Wonder of wonders, a miracle, a miracle

I passed my recital hearing. I'm going to explode.

It really is a miracle and I'm so grateful to God for blessing me with a clear mind and a relatively calm feeling. Yesterday, when I was feeling excruciatingly anxious, I was reading in the Book of Mormon in 1 Nephi 3&4 where Laman and Lemuel were griping, saying how Laban was a mighty man and commanded a large army. Nephi replies that the Lord is mightier than all the earth and certainly mightier than Laban and his tens of thousands. Sometimes when there are a lot of bad or catastrophic or wonderful things going on in the world it makes me ask myself: what right do I have to ask God for something so small and insignificant as passing my recital jury when there are so many more important things going on? Today will most likely impact no one but me and will probably make no difference in the world. But for some reason this scripture made me feel like yes, God is mightier than all the earth but He is not too mighty to be concerned with the mundane details of my life that are important to me.

When I was done with my hearing Schotten chatted with me for a few minutes. He said that it was ironic that I've decided to not be a musician because my playing is "really coming together." First of all, it's weird to be getting any kind of compliment from him. Second, it would have been nice to get some kind of encouragement or positive feedback BEFORE my hearing rather than after. Third, that was nice of him to say. Sometimes it still feels like I may end up doing music after all, but I know that it won't be right away because I'm not in a healthy enough frame of mind (with regards to music) to make it work right now. Maybe someday--who knows?

Also, last night was one of the very few nights that something unsettled in my life disturbed my sleep. Usually I can sleep no matter what, but I kept having dreams that I didn't pass my recital hearing and had to wait until May to do my recital because there weren't any spots available in the hall until then. I woke up at least every half hour or so. Here's to that not happening again any time soon.

Ode to the joy of playing Beethoven will have to wait a little longer....I have to go to class.

Happy Valentine's Day

Da da da da da da da da da da I am really strung out

No, not in the wasted druggie kind of way, but in the procrastinating stressful, I-have-to-practice-or-I-won't-graduate kind of way. Last week was indescribably awful and I'm paying dearly for accepting too many gigs (ironic, no?) and having too little time to practice. I keep telling myself that it's just two more weeks of my life and then I don't have to worry about it any more, but these two weeks are going to be.....I don't even want to think about it. So off to the practice rooms I go. I will post again before too long and the next post will probably be an ode to the joy of playing Beethoven, my new hero and the new #1 on my list of potential after-life husbands, bumping Brahms to a distant second.

Pray for me!